For about seven years I would wake up and put on my school uniform; a white shirt that didn’t hide stains, black shoes that lost their shine, black trousers with tiny pockets and a bulky blazer that made me look like a box. But the worst part, the part I always left till last, was the tie. Why ties?
I’ve never understood them, why do they complete the look? Why does a giant arrow pointing to my penis mean my ensemble was finished? It made no sense. As well as being a phallic indicator, it was uncomfortable – I was wearing a noose around my neck because that was the dress code. When I left my awkward teenage years, and began my awkward adult years, I went into teaching. Quick, picture a male teacher. I’m sure you thought of some balding man with glasses and a blazer or cardigan complete with a tie. Well, the joke’s on you, I have luscious long locks and avoid ties at all costs. How? Turtlenecks or jumpers that hide my black shirt. I was not going to be forced into a wearing a penis pointing suicide tool.
It got me thinking though, what’s the point, why ties? If it’s to hold your shirt together and stop your chest from bursting through then I’ve got this handy invention for you, it’s called a top button. Don’t get me wrong, I like to accessorise, but I can get the same result from necklaces and scarves – yet they’ve never made their way into mandatory apparel.
As with many trends, the tie started off as a fashion statement from centuries old royalty, but just because a king wore them doesn’t mean I, an English teacher, should have to if I wear a simple shirt or go to a formal event. Plus, why is a tie primarily seen as an item for men? Women can, if they choose to, wear a tie, but it isn’t seen as a must have. Especially in the business world. I wonder if this a tool for sly sexism, why has the man got the job, well follow his clip-on arrow to see his credentials. Maybe I’m reaching, maybe my bohemian hippie spirit is bitter about terrible suffocating clothing items, maybe I’ve uncovered a horrible secret. The world will never know as I rock up to a black-tie ball looking like a fashion faux pas.
I turn to my parents to see how they feel about ties. My stepdad loves them, saying that “they make you look smart.” Again, I wonder why, but I understand where he’s coming from. He doesn’t need to wear a tie for his job, a job which requires him to get covered in dirt and paint, so the tie is a rarely worn piece reserved only for special occasions. My mother shares his sentiment, adding that she “actually find[s] a man in a tie quite sexy.”
Despite my rant, I am not saying we should burn all ties, if you want to wear them for whatever reason then I believe you are free to do so, but don’t tell me I must wear one.
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